Waluigi

A Waluigi is a bad-tasting and often poisonous kind of English Muffin. It can also refer to Luigi's evil clone, and Wario's little brother. Waluigi thinks that he is cool, suave, and attractive, but he is really ugly and annoying. Nobody likes him, so he constantly whines about it. So far, Waluigi has only appeared in crappy sports games, but he was also the damsel in distress in Super Mario 128. Because Waluigi likes to cross-dress, he was mistaken for Peach and placed in the role.

Creation
During the Videogame War, Luigi fought against Queen Boo and King Boo constantly. However, the two were killed in a freak yachting accident, and Luigi needed to get a new nemesis.

Enter Waluigi. The game designers created him in order to give Luigi aforementioned (cool word) new nemesis. However, they failed horribly. They tried to get rid of him by putting him in the trash can, but he came back out. The game designers had no choice. They were now stuck with Waluigi, an uncool, tall, clunky loser in desperate need of deoderant.

Unattractive
Okay, first of all, he's got this big nose that just screams, "PUNCH ME! I'M STUPID!" And I'm serious. His nose has been known to scream that sometimes. Also, Waluigi's got this pointy jaw that could cut cheese (he's been known to cut it at formal gatherings). And then, there's his fashion sense. Nothing more needs to be said about that.

Annoying
Waluigi's voice is nothing short of irritating. He's all like, "Oh, I'm Waluigi, and I've got a stupid snarly voice!" (Yeah, he says that sometimes.) His voice is so annoying, Wario once tried to steal his voice box. But his voice is only part of the problem. He's also annoying because of the way he dances. He just walks into random places and starts dancing. And it's BAD dancing. Also, sometimes, when he dances, he shakes his booty. That is strictly illegal! Why doesn't someone arrest him?

Birth and Childhood
Waluigi was born to Paris Hilton and Dr. Phil Friday, January 13, 2000. Paris thought that he was a precious treasure, and Phil agreed; he said "Let's got bury him." Dr. Phil thought that Waluigi was so ugly that he divorced his wife and locked himself into a room. Meanwhile, Paris loved her son and wanted only the best for him. She spoiled him.

When Waluigi was a baby, he had so many dirty diapers that everyone could smell it, and they had to put a smell-proof dome over the house.

As a child, Waluigi suffered from a neardeath experience involving an anvil. Ever since, he's had horrible acne trouble and suffered from insecurity. Fortunately, just before the anvil hit Waluigi, he was saved by his mom, who sacrificed herself in order to save him. Now parentless, Waluigi wandered the earth with no one to raise him.

Eventually, he met his long-lost brother Wario, who thought that he was ugly and laughed at him. Hurt, Waluigi turned to Nintendo and asked them to make him a star. They did.

Claim to Fame
For a while, things went well for Waluigi. Of course, this was before any of Waluigi's games were released, and fans thought that he would be cool. During this period of fame, Waluigi surpassed every other character, and even managed to steal Daisy from Luigi for a brief period of time. However, immediately following the release of Mario Tennis, Waluigi's fame went downhill.

Playing Tennis
Upon falling to the bottom of the hill, Waluigi suffered two broken ribs and a slight concussion, but was still well enough to play in Mario Tennis, where he proved that filler characters suck.

Being Uncool
Waluigi soon became extremely unpopular with everyone. He never got invited to parties and got milkshakes thrown at his head. The only person who likes Waluigi now is Magikoopa, and that's only because she's an old hag who's desperate for a husband. Eventually, Waluigi ended up having the goverment people take away his house, and he had to live on the streets.

A Horrible Dancer
Waluigi tried to dance one day, but Wario, who was passing by, thought that he was a horrible dancer and made fun of him. Angry, Waluigi decided to steal the Music Keys to make himself a ladies' man. However, he accidentally stole Bowser's house keys. After Bowser burned his booty with fire, Waluigi decided not to try to be an antagonist anymore and go back to being a loser.

Death
Unfortunately, Waluigi died one day after he accidentally walked into a tree and broke his neck. People pointed and laughed and ate biscuits. It was later revealed that this was actually a badly disguised dog who was so ugly he looked like Waluigi. When people found out about this, they tried to kill him, but he ran away.

Kidnaped!
Later, Waluigi decided to cross-dress because he's like that. Then, he got kidnapped by the Evil Guy, who thought he was Peach. The Evil Guy was found and defeated by Luigi and Wario, but Waluigi's whereabouts, whatabouts, whosabouts, and butsabouts are currently unknown. No one cares, anyway.

Death (for real)
In Super Mario 129, Shigeru Miyamoto has revealed that Pikachu will use the Washing machine that is convenientently located that fuses/kills people to fuse together himself, Peach's body and Waluigi to make Wapeach, killing everyone else involved. We can be sure that Waluigi will die soon (YAY!).

Waluigi's Social Life
None.

People's Experiences with Waluigi
"I mistook him for a grumpy purple beanpole. There he was, stuffing eggplants in his mouth, and talking to me, spitting the chewed-up eggplant on me. It was the worst blind date I've ever been on. I wanted to cry."

- Toadette


 * Currently no one else has come in contact with Waluigi and lived.
 * Pathetic, I know.

Pictures of Waluigi in a Bathing Suit
Why are you looking this up? Do you want to go blind?* HE'S REALLY UGLY!
 * *Free sunglasses follow.*
 * *Does not apply in India, Russia, Vatican City or Slarchia.*
 * *Is that even a real country?*
 * *If you can read this, then you have big eyes. Either that or you cheated.*
 * *Really.