UnMarioWiki:Teh Shrug/Old crap/Issue XD

Local Uninspired Replacement Vanishes
Tario disappeared recently. It's assumed his disappearance was connected to melting.

Local Phrase Vanishes
mysteriously disappeared at 11:10 tonight (September 27, 2008 EDT). Details involving the disappearance are scarce, although a beglasses'd Yoshi was scene in his normal domicile shortly before his disappearance. Another event connected to the disappearance seem to be the update of News.

Local Me Vanishes
You read it. Hope this is soon enough to watch an episode of Ninja Turtles Fast Forward before bed.

Mount Rushless Placed Under United Provinces Control
During a recent terroitory agreement, the mountument Mount Rushless was placed under direct control of the federal government of the United Provinces of America. Washington C. D spokespeople have reported that Mount Rushless, like the Sculpture of Liberty, will be put under the control of the Federal Reserve.

West Hyrule Freed
In a recent development, West Hyrule has been freed from the control of George Volcano. Link managed to shut down all six factories called the Faces of Volcanicity, and defeated George before he could complete the Mega Volvic, which would have been used to destroy West Hyrule. The adventure will be chronicled in the shame The Faces of Volcanicity.

DVD Collections Out
Recently, DVD collections for Season 2 of The Super Evil Guy Super Show! and Season 3 of Everybody Loves Bowser were released. Our inside source reported that DVD collections for Season 3 of Toad Meets World and Season 2 of The Government Funded Television Show were in production, a few minutes before he was discovered and killed by the DVD and CD Factory staff.

New TV Channel Announced
Recently, Squadala Man annouced that the Squadala Empire will be starting a new TV channel, called Squadala Cable. Three shows have been annouced: Link Meets World, Everybody Loves Morshu, and The Super King Harkinian Super Show!.

Wrestling
Yesterday, the grand championship match of the UnWorld Wrestling Federation was held, between Suplex Kirby and Evil Guy. With his wide varity of throws and trademark move of slamming a foe into the ground, Suplex Kirby won for the 12th year in a row.

Basketball
The Metric Squad, having recently been brought in to replace the dead Poke Islanders, have risen to the near-top of the ranks, mainly with the efforts of Mr. Gram, Mr. Kiloliter, and Mr. Meter. They will face the Unsorted Team tomorrow, kicking off the championships. The other matches are Garlic Idiots vs. Koops' Krazy Katchers, and Mushroom Numbskulls vs. Koopaling Krunchers. The other new team, DK Crew, is getting a free pass to the semifinals.

Food
Because our old presentat0r is still recovering, I'll continue with Food. Read or DIE.

Fire Flower
Sure, they give you fire power and stuff, but what kind of idiot in his right mind would ever eat some pointy, bland plant? We don't even know what these things really do; they could easily be poisonous... or... murdersome... steer clear.

Score: 3/10

Egg Scoopa Koopa
Available at every King Scoopa Koopa's Egg Scoopa Koopa stand! (Say that five times fast.) They're ttly great, and the only minor side effect is being turned into a mindless chicken and giving away all your money... and stuff. It pwnz.

Score: 10/10

Sonic the Hedgehog
For all the running and lifting and stuff this guy does, he's all bone. There's a little blue meat to be licked off, but believe you me, it's not worth trying to catch him.

Score: 3/10

...So, lotsa 3/10s today. What can I say, it was rushed. Let's hope PN does it next week... but until then, we're just about dinner- I mean finished.

Obituraries

 * Recently, New Mario died doing a stunt for Super Nintendo Bros. Brawl. In the game, it was written that he was killed by Giygas.
 * Recently, Mouser was killed in the Battle of Tokyo of the Videogame War.
 * Recently, a flood wiped out the Poké Islanders, killing the entire team. They were replaced by the Metric Squad.

Mario Foods, Inc. Sued; Product Removal
Mario Foods, Inc.'s famous Super Mario Steaks were removed from shelves today after a lawsuit over the high concentration of lead in their recipe. Despite home support, it is predicted that Mario Foods itself will fall in the future, unless it withdraws its Chinese and Hyrulian work force.

Air Distribution Failure
Mario Oxygen, Inc. suffered a similar demise after its inability to regulate oxygen to the world resulted in. More will be covered as the scandal progresses.

UnMarioWiki Redesign
The popular company Un-Mario Wiki redesigned its headquarters recently to be more greener and more Wikia-er. In related news, you should join their Reinhabitation Movement, because they're cool and popular and you'll get all the ladies and they don't insert random pieces of self-promotion into their newspaper articles.

SBK Radio Taken Over
Recently, SBK Radio was bought out in an unfriendly takeover by SMK Radio. The motives are unknown, but SMK Radio likely wants to have a monopoly on TV.

Dictator's Notes
Okay, here I am. This is your tyrannical overlord, Purple Ninjakoopa speaking. It was an okay length of time for Teh Shrug. However, our issue release process needs to be created. Signups have not yet been created, as Teh Shrug is still fluid in the sections. Anyhow, that's all. Now I have overlording to do.

Ads

 * Join Gannon, and he will make YOUR FACE the greatest in Koradai! Or else you will DIE.


 * McDonald's is currently accepting job applications. Join the best fast food company around.


 * Sign up for the Tax Dudes. It's tax-deductable, and you get great benefits.