UnMarioWiki:Teh Shrug/Old crap/Issue 57 1/2

Shigeru Miyamoto - Eviler than Evil Guy?
Shigeru Miyamoto was seen making a Cauldron of Evil a few days ago however why he was doing this is unknown. He was seen adding lots of ingredients. The SMK Radio wanted to interview him however they realized they could be killed, like the time when that interviewer tried interviewing the X-Men but died. We will bring you more news about what he is plotting.

Other News

 * New Mario died when performing a dangerous stunt in the new game Super Nintendo Bros. Brawl.
 * Tumble was found dead in the subway. Rumors have it, it was Mario who killed him.
 * Luigi believed it was butter.
 * Nintendo sucked at this year's E2.
 * Super Ronald Galaxy was released. What else do you need to know.

SMK Radio Headquarters Move
The SMK Radio Headquarters were originally located in California, next to the Google Headquarters. However Google's Headquarters expldoed after a bomb went off and the SMK Radio had to move to China. As I said a few seconds ago, they are now in China.

Other News

 * Europe got bombed a few days ago and many people were reported dead.
 * Ronald McDonald paid a visit to Russia.
 * East Hyrule was conquered by Squadala Man.

Entertainment
As mentioned on the News section, E2 sucked this year because of Nintendo. What's good though is that they announced Super Daisy 128 but thats the only good thing. Oh and they released Nintendo Road Trip and Super Nintendo Bros. Brawl. That was actually pretty good. Also, Bill Cosby's book, History of UnMarioWiki, was released yesterday.

Football
The quarterfinal results have been announced.
 * The Squadala Carpetmen won against the Toad Town Appleheads, 28-7.
 * The Microsoft Smart Guys defeated the Beanbean Bean Counters, 17-14.
 * The Nintendo Gamemakers beat the World-e Lettermasters, 24-10.
 * The French Legion beat the Koopa Mafia, 35-3.

Food
Welcome! This is your new rater here! Today, I will rate four dishes brought to me.

Big Mac
This dish is easily avalible at McDonald's. It's pretty good, but a bit heavy on the meat and sauces. Plus, it doesn't mix well with some food. Still pretty tasty, though.

FINAL SCORE: 7/10

Toast
This regular food is widely avalible, as all toasters toast toast. However, it is dry, and if it is without butter or a drink, it can be quite tasteless.

FINAL SCORE: 6/10

Lotsa Spagetti
This is also a good dish, as you don't have to worry about running out. However, the portion size is always too large.

FINAL SCORE: 5/10

DINNER
This dish is very good. It's well-balanced, and quite satisfying. It's no wonder this is the signature dish of West Hyrule.

FINAL SCORE: 9/10

And there you have it folks! I promise, next issue will be dinner-I mean better.

Obituraries

 * Recently, both Weegee and Malleo were killed by Daisy. While Malleo will be buried in Nintendo National Cemetary with full honors, Weegee's body has disappeared. Eyewitnesses report the body was stolen by Shigeru Miyamoto and added to the Cauldron of Evil.
 * Recently, Rapper Mario was killed while fighting in the Foreign Legion. He took down a large number of the enemy, and his brave sacrifice allowed the Legion to win the battle. He will be given a posthumous Medal of Honor.
 * Recently, Hitario was killed by Mario. Hitario was apparently wrapping up his latest shame when the Fantastic Four burst in and killed him. The shame will be released with a bonus CD that contains a tribute to Hitario.

Polar Bear: The Truth?
Recently, it was reported that Polar Bear may actually be a brown bear in disguise. We will look into this when we aren't so lazy.

Mr. Shrug: Not Really A Shrug?
It was discovered that Mr. Shrug may actually be working out his shoulders, and not really exercising. We were unable to get a comment from him, even though he works for us.

Paper Jorge: With Scissors?
Recently, Paper Jorge was seen running with scissors. When asked about it, he replied, "Me.. run with scissors? I'm not going to kill myself! IT'S LIES! ALL LIES!"

Plumber: Scamming People?
Plumber was reported to have been seen blocking up pipes, then later unblocking them and getting paid. We asked him, but his response was too laced with profanity to put here.

Lario: Working for X-Men?
It was reported Lario may be working for the X-Men, the notorious sworn enemies of UnMarioWiki. When asked, Lario replied, "No, I am not working for the X-Men. And my hand is not covering a X-Men badge".

Blocky and Channy: In Love?
Recently, it was reported that Purple Ninjakoopa, also known as Blocky, and ChanServ, also known as Channy, have been seen together quite often. When asked, Channy's response was "Um... er... we're just good friends! That's all!" Blocky's response was "THIS INTERVIEW MAKES ME UPSET" We plan on looking into this rumor futher.

Ronald McDonald: Receipe Thief?
Recently, the topic surfaced that Ronald McDonald may actually be stealing the McDonald's food from Burger King. When asked, Ronald replied, "Why would I take fries from my enemy? It's stupid! *nervously laughes* Okay, bye now! No need to look in the closet! There aren't any stolen Burger King meals there!"

George W. Bush: Election Fraud?
It was brought up recently that George W. Bush may have commited election fraud to defeat Al Bore. When asked, George gave a five hour speech that, had anyone listened to the whole thing, would have told them the cure for cancer. Oh well, missed opportunities.

Evil Guy: Cupcake Eater?
Recently, Evil Guy was reported to have been eating cupcakes. When asked, Evil Guy replied, "...Cupcakes? CUPCAKES! CUPCAKES! DESTROY CUPCAKES!" We then spent the rest of the interview fleeing from Evil Guy.

Bill Cosby: His True Identity?


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About Teh Shrug
'''What is Teh Shrug? Well it is the Mushroom Kingdom's Local Newspaper Brought Straight to your Computer! Enjoy!''' This is highly illegal by the way.

On a more serious note for you, this is the newspaper that is edited monthly. Or well actually whenver we feel like it. We're just lazy that way. YOU can edit this article though.

The original creator of Teh Shrug was an idiot who surprisingly isn't the guy that likes muffins.