Sweet Sixteen

Sweet Sixteen is an episode of The Super Wario Bros. Strike Back! It is the show's sixteenth anniversary special.

Transcript
Waluigi and Bowser are sitting on the couch, watching TV.

TV ANNOUNCER: Welcome back to Super Sweet Sixteen, the only show where the Sweet Sixteens are super sweet!

A rich teen comes on the TV, yelling at her father.

RICH TEEN: This is MY sweet sixteen, and it has to be PERFECT!

WALUIGI: Wow, Bowser. I can't wait for my Sweet Sixteen.

BOWSER: Uh... aren't you, like, 30?

WALUIGI: What? No!

Wario walks in.

WALUIGI: Wario, how old am I?

WARIO: I don't know, leave me out of this.

Wario starts to walk out of the room.

BOWSER: Wait! You mean to tell me nobody knows how old Waluigi is?

Wario turns around.

WARIO: I mean... nobody's been keeping count really.

WALUIGI: But I want to know how old I am!

Wario sighs.

WARIO: Fine. I guess my black market kidney deal can wait.

Wario, Waluigi, and Bowser arrive at the lab of Professor E. Gadd.

WARIO: Bowser, why did you come along?

BOWSER: I dunno. It was boring back at the house.

Professor E. Gadd walks up.

GADD: Whoa, what the hell are you guys doing here?

WARIO: My dumbass brother doesn't know how old he is. Carbon date him or something, or I'll shove you into a locker.

GADD: There aren't any lockers in here.

WARIO: Shut up, nerd.

Gadd walks up to Waluigi and inspects him.

WALUIGI: Uh... hi.

GADD: So you're the guy who doesn't know how old he is, huh?

Waluigi nods.

GADD: Follow me.

In the next room, Gadd locks Waluigi into a special chamber, which is hooked up to a large computer.

WALUIGI: What is this thing? Are you gonna scan me for cancer?

GADD: No, not unless you need me to.

Gadd presses a button, and the chamber glows with green energy.

WALUIGI: Whoa, this feels nice! Oh, yeah... I like that...

GADD: Not in the machine please.

The scanning sequence completes, and the machine door pops open. Waluigi flies out onto the ground.

WALUIGI: Wait, wait, just a few more seconds!

GADD: And the results are... in. That'll be five thousand dollars.

WALUIGI: Uh... Waaaario?!

Back at the house, Waluigi, Wario, and Bowser stand in the living room.

WALUIGI: I can't believe it...

BOWSER: Yeah, you've been a legal adult this whole time. Feels weird.

WALUIGI: No, I can't believe that I've never had a sweet sixteen!

Wario groans.

WARIO: Don't tell me you want...

WALUIGI: I want a party!

Wario and Bowser groan loudly. Nim-Nom walks into the house.

NIM-NOM: Did somebody say a party?

WARIO: What are you doing in here?

NIM-NOM: I was just walking by, not spying on you or anything. But I'll have you guys know, I throw the best parties. They're HELLA tight.

BOWSER: Did you just say "hella tight?"

WARIO: Nim-Nom, you're not throwing a party in my house. Get your shady ass out of here.

NIM-NOM: Aight, aight, I hear ya, dawg.

Nim-Nom walks out. Wario and Bowser head upstairs.

BOWSER: So what were you saying about kidneys earlier?

WARIO: It's a personal thing.

Once they're gone, Waluigi heads outside after Nim-Nom.

WALUIGI: Nim-Nom! Wait!

The next day, Wario is in his bed. He hears loud rave music, and wakes up.

WARIO: What? Who's there? IT'S MY KIDNEY, I SWEAR!

Wario, Bowser, Donkey Kong, and Homer walk down the stairs, and see a large rave in their living room.

HOMER: Hey, a party!

DONKEY KONG: What's going on here?

WARIO: I think I know...

In the kitchen, Waluigi is surrounded by hot women.

WALUIGI: Yeah, this is my party, I'm pretty cool.

HOT WOMEN: Ooooh!

One of the hot women puts their hands on Waluigi's shoulder.

HOT WOMAN: What's the occasion, if you don't mind me asking?

WALUIGI: Oh, it's my sweet sixteen.

The women all look at each other awkwardly, and then rush out of the kitchen.

WALUIGI: What? Where are you going? Aw, man...

Wario walks into the kitchen.

WARIO: Waluigi, I swear to god...

WALUIGI: Uhhhh, hey, Wario! Are you mad because you didn't receive an invitation? I swear I e-mailed you about it.

Wario raises his fist.

WARIO: Get all these people out of here or so help me, I'm about to...

Nim-Nom walks in.

NIM-NOM: Wazzuuuuuuup?

Wario and Waluigi stare at Nim-Nom.

NIM-NOM: Sorry, I didn't realize I was interrupting something.

Nim-Nom walks into the living room.

WARIO: I'm gonna kill him... I'm gonna KILL him.

WALUIGI: Wario, calm down!

Wario runs into the living room, where Nim-Nom is mingling with the hot women.

NIM-NOM: Yeah, I'm pretty much the coolest guy I know.

HOT WOMAN: You're, like... three.

NIM-NOM: Pffft! What?

Wario tackles Nim-Nom.

NIM-NOM: Hey!

Wario starts pummeling Nim-Nom.

WARIO: I'll kill you! I'll kill you!

Bowser and Donkey Kong run up, pulling Wario off of him.

BOWSER: Wario!

DONKEY KONG: Stop it!

They succeed. Nim-Nom gets up and brushes himself off.

NIM-NOM: You guys suck anyway!

Nim-Nom runs outside. The lights come back on, and the music cuts out. Everyone starts leaving. Waluigi walks in, carrying a birthday cake.

WALUIGI: What? Guys! We didn't even sing Happy Birthday yet!

Homer walks up, takes the cake, and walks out with it.

WALUIGI: Aw, man... my Sweet Sixteen is RUINED.

Wario walks up to Waluigi.

WARIO: Look, Waluigi, I'm... I'm sorry. I know you always wanted a Sweet Sixteen, and... I flew off the handle back there.

DONKEY KONG: That was only, like, a second ago.

WARIO: Shut up. Anyways, Waluigi... I'll make it up to you.

WALUIGI: How?

WARIO: We're going to throw you the best birthday party ever.

Waluigi smiles, and Wario pats him on the shoulder.

NARRATOR: And so they stayed up late into the night, telling jokes and reminiscing on all of their good times together. Homer eventually came back, and he felt so guilty about stealing the first cake that he bought a second, which he ate on the way over there, but it was the thought that counted. Oh, yes, and I'm sure you're wondering... how old is Waluigi exactly? I mean we didn't see it earlier. Well, funny you ask, because Waluigi is actually...

The episode cuts to static.

THE END.

Morals
Everyone deserves to celebrate their sweet sixteen, even this shitty show.

Trivia

 * Waluigi is actually 47 years old. He specifically requested his real age not be shown in the episode.