A Murder Mystery

A Murder Mystery is an episode of The Super Wario Bros. Strike Back!

Script
We see Waluigi in the kitchen, with his hand stuck in a Pringles can. Wario walks in.

WARIO: You idiot!

WALUIGI: I'm trying to get the chips at the bottom of the thing...

WARIO: Well do it less STUPID for once!

Wario grabs a knife out of the drawer and chops the Pringles can in half. The last few chips at the bottom fall out.

WALUIGI: Thanks, Wario! And my hands are only bleeding a little bit!

Waluigi slips his fingers out of the top half of the can.

WARIO: I have to do this EVERY TIME, you know. Sometimes I wonder, what would you idiots ever do without me?

Waluigi picks up his chips off the ground.

WALUIGI: I don't know. Goodnight!

WARIO: Yeah, goodnight, you helpless moron...

We see the house, late at night. Inside, Wario is sitting on the couch. He looks around to make sure nobody's watching.

WARIO: Alright, then...

Wario pulls a bag of chocolates out from one of the couch cushions and laughs to himself.

WARIO: If only these suckers knew I was packin' mad chocolates in this couch...

Wario starts eating the chocolates, but eats them too fast and starts choking.

WARIO: ACK! I'm... CHOKING!

Wario falls over, and dies. The next morning, Waluigi comes downstairs.

WALUIGI: Morning, Wario.

Waluigi sits down on the couch next to Wario's dead body.

WALUIGI: Woah, chocolates!

Waluigi grabs the chocolates and starts eating them.

WALUIGI: Where'd you get these, Wario?

A few flies land on Wario's dead body.

WALUIGI: Um... Wario?

In the kitchen, Bowser and Homer are playing poker. Waluigi runs in.

WALUIGI: GUYS! SOMEONE KILLED WARIO!

BOWSER: About time. I mean--- NO WAY!

HOMER: But who would ever kill Wario? He was such a nice, fat, smelly, ugly, mean, selfish, two-timing, dirty, cheap, lousy BASTARD and... and... OH I JUST HATE HIM SO MUCH WHERE IS HE IM GONNA KILL HIM I SWEAR TO GOD IM GONNA KILL HIM!

Everyone stares at Homer.

HOMER: I mean... who would want to kill Wario?

Later, everyone is gathered in the living room, with Wario's corpse rotting on the couch.

WALUIGI: Listen, someone here killed my brother!

DONKEY KONG: Wario's dead?

Donkey Kong looks at Wario's decomposing corpse.

DONKEY KONG: Oh, yeah.

BOWSER: Why would any of us want to kill Wario? Well... I can think of a few reasons, but he's the leader around here!

DONKEY KONG: So that begs the question... who will be the leader now?

HOMER: Me!

EVERYONE ELSE: No!

Homer walks away, sad.

WALUIGI: I mean, I was his brother, so...

BOWSER: Yeah, I'm fine with that.

WALUIGI: Really?

DONKEY KONG: I mean, it's just a title, so...

BOWSER: Yeah, really we just need a guy to CALL our leader.

WALUIGI: It's an honor!

DONKEY KONG: Not really.

WALUIGI: I'm so so happy to be leader! This is... this is AMAZING!

BOWSER: You seem a little too excited.

WALUIGI: I'm just I'm just I'm just... wow, I can't feel my face. I feel so blessed! I mean, sucks my brother had to die, but...

DONKEY KONG: Hey... maybe you killed Wario?

WALUIGI: What?

BOWSER: You seem super happy to be leader now...

WALUIGI: But I wouldn't kill Wario!

Bowser and Donkey Kong circle around Waluigi.

BOWSER: If you were willing to kill your own brother, then how do we know you wouldn't kill US?

WALUIGI: No, I... I... I didn't... I DIDN'T KILL HIM! I SWEAR I DIDN'T KILL HIM!

DONKEY KONG: Get him!

Bowser and Donkey Kong grab Donkey Kong and tear him limb from limb, viciously killing him. Wario suddenly wakes up on the couch, and it turns out it was all a dream.

WARIO: Woah... man, those guys would be HELPLESS without me!

Wario pulls some chocolates out of the couch and begins quickly eating them.

WARIO: Woah... ACK! Better slow down here before I... ch-ch-CHOKE...

THE END.

Morals

 * Those guys would be helpless without Wario.
 * Don't get super excited about ANYTHING when your brother gets killed because people will think you're the one who did it.
 * Don't eat chocolates too fast or you will die.