UnMarioWiki:Teh Shrug/Old crap/Issue -3

Ronald McDonald Spotted at Local Chat
Ronald McDonald was seen falling off chairs and taking orders from customers via a Chat. He later signed off. Eyewitnesses say that instead of working he was just taking a really long break from work and closed down the whole shop. People say all McDonald's in the world were closed. George W. Bush was in the same room as Ronald when this happened and George said Ronald was planning retirement altough some say he's lying. Evil Guy said that all McDonald's would be sold to Burger King. Once again, this is just a rumor.

Mummio Hired, Mario Quit...again
Mummio, Mario's ancestor was recently hired by Nintendo to be a replacement for Mario, who quit because he and Nintendo didn't go a long very well. Mummio, like all the past Marios, will also be working closely with Nintendon't. Altough Nintendon'ts games aren't as good as Nintendo's and critics dislike Nintendon't a lot, Mummio says "A game is good-people put little or a lot of effort on a game. But at least little effort makes a game good." Jackie Chan was hired as a sunt double for Mummio, as Mummio won't be able to do stunts very well for his old age.

The French Prince of Bel-Air
A french Yoshi, said to be Yoshi's cousin was seen walking around in France. The SMK Radio was there at the scene and interviewed him and he had this to say:

"Now, this is a story all about how, my life got flipped-turned upside down...and I liked to take a minute...Just sit right there I'll tell you how I became the prince of a town called Bel Air!"

"In west Paris born and raised; On the Eiffel Tower was where I spent most of my days. Chillin' out maxin' relaxin' all cool. And all shootin some French Toast outside of the scool. When a couple of guys, who were up to no good, startin making trouble in my neighborhood. I got in one little fight and my mom got scared, she said 'You're movin' with your auntie and uncle in Bel Air'"

I begged and pleaded with her day after day; But she packed my suite case and sent me on my way. She gave me a kiss and then she gave me my ticket. I put my walkman on and said, 'I might as well kick it'." After this, he kicked one of the reporters into the water and the reporter was sent to the hospital. The interview continued.

"First class, yo this is bad, Drinking milk out of a baby bottle. Is this what the people of Bel-Air Living like? Hmmmmm this might be alright!"

"But wait I hear there're apple juice, soda all that, is Bel-Air the type of place they send this cool cat? I don't think so, I'll see when I get there I hope they're prepared for the French Prince of Bel-Air!"

"Well, the plane landed and when I came out, there was a dude who looked like a cop standing there with my name out. I ain't trying to get arrested, I just got here, I sprang with the quickness like lightening, disappeared!" the Yoshi then ran away. The SMK Reporters then sent out a spy to track him down and he continued.

"I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said french and it had dice in the mirror, if anything I can say this cab is rare, but I thought 'Now forget it' - 'Yo dude to Bel Air'"

"I pulled up to the house about 7 or 8, and I yelled to the cabbie 'Yo dude yell ya later', I looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my chair as the French Prince of Bel Air!" he shouted and ate the SMK Reporters. Lucky, cops were able to retrieve the camera and send this information to the Shrug.

Entertainment
In a surprise move, several shames were released yesterday. Also, the minor companies, NinTINdo, NintenLOW, BRAINtendo, NintenBOARD, NONtendo, and NinTENdo are rumored to be merging. However, the NinTINdo CEO, Iron Man, denies all rumors.

Poker
Barack Obama won the UnWorld Series of Poker, but was disqualified for using a false name. (He's really Mr. Game & Watch.) So the prize was given to Chef Eli.

Soccer
Toad's team won today's game with his. The opposing team was devastated.

Hopscotch
Today's game was postponed to Tuesday after Mario was horribly injured tripping over a rock. Investigation is underway as to whether or not he was set up, and who placed the rock if so,

Calvinball
That game pwnz.

Food
I'm, who's... . Anyway, on with the stuffz:

Mushroom
These things are everywhere. Sure, they give you super powers of mass destruction that could easily let you usurp Europe from Cranky Kong's evil rule, but... meh. They ruined mah pizza.

FINAL SCORE: 5/10

Cheese
Words could not in any way ever dream to hope to want to properly express its FTWness.

FINAL SCORE: ∞/10

Curry
FUN FACT: Curry is mentioned in all Paper Mario games to date save for Super Paper Mario. They ruined a tradition. ;_; ...and it was meh. If I knew what curry was at all I could probably give it a higher score...

FINAL SCORE: 6.1/10

TheGreatBlockyBoo
TGBBs are quite rare, but this reporter was able to catch one the other day. It was quite bland, but I imagine it would be MARVELOUS if only I had some salsa at hand.

FINAL SCORE: 6.89/10 + 10/10 (for pwning) = 16.89/10

Yeah, don't worry, I'm sure the real TGBB/PN'll do the next one, so tonight's failure is dinner- I mean finished.

Bagel
They come in many varities, yet they're kind of bland.

FINAL SCORE: 6.5/10

Obituraries

 * Recently, Steve Urkel died of being unable to surpass some d00de in hardcore nerdiness. It is presumed that this will be chronicled in the upcoming ''Super Mario Pwnage: Bananaz "Я" GOOD..
 * Pokemon DP died of an awesomeness overload last night, throwing billions into eternal sorrow.
 * Masahiro Sakurai, much like Chuck Norris, will never die.

NinTENdo Sued
Recently, NinTENdo was sued by Nintendo for copyright infringement. However, the efforts of Phoenix Wright, lawyer for NinTENdo, defeated the lawsuit. Nintendo has no plans to appeal.

Tax on Cheese Raised
In a hotly contested debate yesterday, Congrass passed a bill to increase the tax on cheese. The Cheese Lovers plan to protest.

NinTINdo Stock Increase
Due to the sucess of the shame Paper Iron Man, the stock of NinTINdo jumped yesterday, to be actually worth something. However, this will likely fade over the next two weeks.

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